“TROUBLE IN PARADISE…”
As mentioned in blog post for week 4, we are in Okinawa, enjoying time with our daughter, touring the island, its customs and people. What a delight to be here! However, internet services are still spotty, at best, and truthfully, we have been soo busy that I have been unable to continue with the webinar replays or to do the program justice; though, I am the one whom was not given justice, because I realized just how much my learning was affected. The things I was doing here, including the sits and readings, have all but passed away. In two weeks, I was able to “fuggetaboutit” as Mark J, the laziest networker likes to say! Forget about it, I did! No longer am I reading or sitting or doing my chore cards. The habits that I was enjoying creating cease to exist!
You see, the problem, I’m sure, is that I have not been doing those things long enough to replace my “bad” or “old life” habits with the new ones. I was not operating at an automatic level of response yet. Given more time in establishing the new habits, I could have continued with the habits I was forming.
My understanding of this so sincerely may be that I was a teacher of behavior disordered children for many years. To replace a thing with another thing, I first established a baseline for that thing, then I knew how to correct the thing that needed corrected. Guess how I did that? By replacing the bad habit with a good habit! Yep! That is probably why I love this course so much…it is something so special to me. I loved watching those behavioral changes and knowing my kids on a much deeper level because they were more open to change.
So, here I am, back in Texas, writing a blog and “‘fessin’ up”, in front of God and everybody, that I DID NOT DO WHAT I PROMISED TO DO!! However, I am not beating myself up over it because I also know that even though I am a person of my word, I am not Jesus, and as human, will be very imperfect. As in other situations in life, when things don’t go according to plan, I don’t quit…I picked myself up, put my big girl panties on, and got right back into the lessons. Did I struggle with it? HECK, YES!! My old blueprint fought me hard, but I finally feel as though I am winning those battles again! Today, as I was watching a webinar, I felt the passion for MORE stirring withing my soul. I was soo afraid that it was dead inside me and that I had lost interest in this course.
Believing in commitment is most of the battle, in my opinion. As I committed to my marriage and have fought battles within and without, when it was easier to pack and leave, I have realized now the fruits of the fight, if you will…and I believe with the right mindset about commitment, I will struggle to get things right within and without when it comes to the course requirements, until I am no longer the ME that was, but the ME I so desperately want to be!
Again…I proved that …
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