As mentioned in blog post for week 4, we are in Okinawa, enjoying time with our daughter, touring the island, its customs and people. What a delight to be here! However, internet services are still spotty, at best, and truthfully, we have been soo busy that I have been unable to continue with the webinar replays or to do the program justice; though, I am the one whom was not given justice, because I realized just how much my learning was affected. The things I was doing here, including the sits and readings, have all but passed away. In two weeks, I was able to “fuggetaboutit” as Mark J, the laziest networker likes to say! Forget about it, I did! No longer am I reading or sitting or doing my chore cards. The habits that I was enjoying creating cease to exist!
You see, the problem, I’m sure, is that I have not been doing those things long enough to replace my “bad” or “old life” habits with the new ones. I was not operating at an automatic level of response yet. Given more time in establishing the new habits, I could have continued with the habits I was forming.
My understanding of this so sincerely may be that I was a teacher of behavior disordered children for many years. To replace a thing with another thing, I first established a baseline for that thing, then I knew how to correct the thing that needed corrected. Guess how I did that? By replacing the bad habit with a good habit! Yep! That is probably why I love this course so much…it is something so special to me. I loved watching those behavioral changes and knowing my kids on a much deeper level because they were more open to change.
So, here I am, back in Texas, writing a blog and “‘fessin’ up”, in front of God and everybody, that I DID NOT DO WHAT I PROMISED TO DO!! However, I am not beating myself up over it because I also know that even though I am a person of my word, I am not Jesus, and as human, will be very imperfect. As in other situations in life, when things don’t go according to plan, I don’t quit…I picked myself up, put my big girl panties on, and got right back into the lessons. Did I struggle with it? HECK, YES!! My old blueprint fought me hard, but I finally feel as though I am winning those battles again! Today, as I was watching a webinar, I felt the passion for MORE stirring withing my soul. I was soo afraid that it was dead inside me and that I had lost interest in this course.
Believing in commitment is most of the battle, in my opinion. As I committed to my marriage and have fought battles within and without, when it was easier to pack and leave, I have realized now the fruits of the fight, if you will…and I believe with the right mindset about commitment, I will struggle to get things right within and without when it comes to the course requirements, until I am no longer the ME that was, but the ME I so desperately want to be!
Well, I don’t know what exactly happened to prompt those words so long ago at NASA, but I do know what my problem was this week. Week 4 I was in Okinawa with my husband, visiting our daughter who is stationed there as a flight nurse in the air force. While it is a beautiful country and we enjoyed many moments with her that we will never forget, the time I thought I could keep up with our lessons flew by with not much done! The internet was spotty when I did have time at home to work on things, although I made it a point to still do my readings and sits, and other ongoing requirements.
So, last week was my first entry of what I want to look like at the end of my journey in the Master Key Mastermind Alliance. Of course, some of the descriptions are of myself right now, but many are not. I truly want to be ENOUGH! After years of feeling that I was lacking in something(?), but not sure what, I am beginning to chip those concrete pieces from my soul already.
Still on overwhelm from week 1, and not wanting to move on to week 2, but have had to, I at least am making progress; having things written down and on a schedule has helped so much! Making a certain place for each activity has helped, as well. I am in the midst of preparing an office upstairs to work in for the webinars or when I really want a distraction-free zone.
I am soo flippin’ excited about this course that I am over the top! I wish I could take a before and after shot of the inside of my soul when my purpose in life is truly defined and I am whole again! I know that it is already inside me…I just have to find it!
I AM writing with you, the reader, in mind. I already know who I AM, but only for the moment. Believing that we are in perpetual motion, with ever-changing thoughts and feelings, it is my belief that one can pass through a myriad of emotions within a short period of time, before taking on another persona entirely, albeit at a subconscious level.
I AM SILLY, very often FUNNY. In fact, more than once, my silliness has gotten me into a little trouble, but nothing major. In fact, most times, I am considered fun to be around and the “life of the party”. Always feeling that my sole purpose in life was to make the world my stage and offer laughter to whomever I met, a smile was never withheld from anyone I saw. When I was younger, my peers were sure that I would be a comedienne on stage! Wrong!
I AM HARD-WORKING, almost to a fault. Although retired from public school teaching, I am a chronic student…I love to learn. That fact makes me realize that there are so many things that I have not yet experienced! I must continue my journey of learning and experiencing life in ways that I have not. That is why I jumped whole-heartedly with both feet into the Master Key program! Excitement unlike what I have known for a long time is coursing through my veins!
I AM BLESSED beyond measure by a God who is all-knowing and only wants to give me the desires of my heart, as He prepares a home for me when it is time for my spirit to leave my earthly body and return home. I have to do nothing to earn this right, except to BELIEVE.
I AM CARING, COMPASSIONATE, GENEROUS and LOYAL. Yes, I am a good friend who is TRUSTWORTHY and DEPENDABLE. I am a person you can tell your secrets to and count on for privacy. I truly care about my friends and do not forsake the trust of others. If in need, come to me. If I cannot help you, I will search high and low for someone who can.